A Blogger is Born

 

So...here I am. I guess I'm a blogger. Somehow I managed to find a blog platform(?) and actually set one up. We'll see how it goes. Got the idea from a blog I ran across which the blogger used to keep her friends and family up to date if and when she was too ill/tired to do so. 

Not really doing this for anyone else to read, although I have a feeling that will change in time. Allegedly stuff like journaling/blogging is good for you. Like yoga, eating right, sleeping enough, exercise, mindfulness, and all that other good stuff. 

Been reading/listening to podcasts about a lot of that stuff lately since my DIAGNOSIS. 

There it is. DIAGNOSIS. 

It was, hmmm, about 11 days ago...OK, I got it. It was June 14th when I got the call. It's still hard to believe now that I write about it. And here I thought that I had accepted it by now. Breast cancer. Yep. Breast cancer. I have breast cancer. That looks less threatening in lower case type. Anyway, for 3 or 4 days I just walked around thinking, "This is unreal," and "I have breast cancer," and, "WTH?" 

Stuff like breast cancer only happens to other people. Yeah, just like death is for other people. Not for me. I'm going to live forever. I'm immortal, like Samantha on Bewitched. (*sigh*). 

Well, then you go from that to "How am I going to tell people?" And then you start feeling badly that you're going to ruin their day by telling them. Lots of thoughts, lots of emotions. Fears. It's all churning around in the brain. I'm up many nights until, well, all night. Sometimes I just don't go to bed at all. Not healthy, I know.

My daughter and I seem to have the same warped, sarcastic, gallows sense of humor. We went shopping the next day or so and she called it "celebrating cancer." Which I found hilarious. I had a friend who went through a hideous divorce many years ago during which she lost a good deal of weight. I remember her jokingly referring to her situation as "the divorce diet." I've been thinking of that a lot lately as I guess I'll soon be embarking upon "the cancer diet." Nice. 

How did this all begin, you may ask? Noticed some irregularities. Had a routine mammogram, which lead to a needle(s) biopsy(ies) of the mass and lymph nodes. Which led to a diagnosis. 

Since then I've been to a surgeon. Nice, handsome man. I was alone and topless with a tall, handsome stranger, it's true. (*sigh*). He says it's "at least Stage 2." And he has referred me to an oncologist. That's 3 days from now. He told me to stop taking my Prempro. Gawd only knows what THAT'S going to do for my disposition. So far I'm relatively sane. Relatively. 

Tomorrow is an MRI which, when I read about how that's done, sounds like tons of fun. Can't wait. 

Oh, and tomorrow is weigh in day at Weight Watchers. Which I will probably refer to as WW from now on. Since I've been eating non-stop out of sheer anxiety, that ought to be rather sad. 

Before I sign off, I should mention my amazing friends. Sometimes you just don't realize how lucky you are when certain people come into your life. I am in awe at how blessed I am to have the friends I have. Friends from high school and from college and from work...most of whom I've known for a minimum of 25 years. I don't know how I got so fortunate. Am taking my time telling one or a few of them at a time and they've been...in a word...AMAZING. More on that later. 

Hope to keep this up on a daily or almost-daily basis. Thank you for reading, if you've gotten this far. 😍